I am back… after a 2 year sabatical

Geez what a ride… it’s been 2 and a bit years since I last blogged… I stopped due to life getting just crazy and I simply could not assimilate what I was living. All I can say is that after what felt like an emotional Hiroshima, I was patching up the bits and found heaps of nuts and bolts all over the show which held pieces of me together… a bit like assembling an engine that was rattled loose at every possible join on the worst possible farm road.  But I am glad to say that after the degreasing and mop up jobs and figuring out what goes where I am in one piece and dare I say… stronger than ever!

This does not mean that things are smooth sailing… (DUH, this is life and I am human) but I am strong.  I have also been divorced now for 1 Year and 9 months. I have reached a new level of understanding, taken responsibility where I needed to and am completely self-sufficient, 10 times over.

The divorce was a completely and utterly horrendous emotional blood bath which turned me inside out and made my blood run cold, curdle and boil all at the same time (I often longed for a peaceful, quaint, bland little padded room in which I could rest, filled with a thud, lifeless silence). It took a full year to run its course. I had little in the line of support physically on hand (my family lives far away from me), and when the final Decree arrived and I was in my lawyers’ office to sign this legally scribed parchment I realised how independent I had really become…. The paraphrased signatures at the bottom of each page belonged to “he who must not be named’ and his parents… Well that settled that then, I literally divorced the whole family… or them me – a momentous moment, astounding! I was not surprised and though “go figure”…all the while my lawyers’ secretary ran around the office trying to find me witnesses to sign the document to make it binding forever. I thought how apt, like in the marriage so it is when leaving.

I have decided to randomly blog about it all for only now am I really able to put this into some form of sane perspective.

To end off, I have made peace with my divorce and in hind sight I have so much gratitude it is done and I am no longer attached to one of the most unconscious beings I know… I have managed to find love again which I thought will never be possible after such trauma…

Pixling knows… good engines need care and attention.

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