Pixling’s Zen

In my introduction on my blog I clearly stated that this is a cathartic process for me – my thoughts and facts of what I experience finding myself opening to a new world, a new life.  Anais Nin said: “And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.”

Blogging about this crazy time in my life will undoubtedly offend some and the risk I run in telling my story will clearly not sit right with some people – some, for obvious reasons…. I view this blog however as part of my unfurling, maby wrong, maby right, maby pointless, but it does offer me a platform to ‘scream from a mountain top’ – put the truth as I see and experience it out there – raw as it may seem at times –  I don’t want to be right or wrong because it is not about that – it is about having a voice – MY thoughts … even if it is just in cyberspace somewhere (airing out some tough stained laundry). And a real voice, by this I mean real – fuck knows there is nothing more irritating or completely idiotic to me than people that spew this supposedly ‘positive’ crap – and ‘new agey’ evangelistic love and freeking peace shite.  Seriously people! Real life???? I think not!  WTF do you feed and clothe children with? “Love and peace”? “Manifestation meditations” Blah freeking blah… no morons!  Children get hungry three times, yes three times a day and if you have a teenage son growing faster than fungus on bread in a lunchbox overnight, it is more than three times a day.  (A little rant on the side).   Look, I have nothing against having a positive attitude – but just like politics or religion it can become fanatical and it churns out brain dead, cut out magazine smiling, over happy zombies memorised into some state of a falsely drooling bliss.

I guess what I am trying to say is that in my actions and doings I try hard not to hurt people, to do the ‘right thing’, this however does not mean I never hurt anyone. I am perfectly human with perfectly human faults, but for the larger part of my life I have taken to pleasing everybody else to the max extreme, never really pleasing myself and as a matter of fact I never really pleased anyone else anyhow – and all the while the only person who was unfulfilled was me!

Pixling drools thinking and smiling….The ultimate zen lesson – acceptance and blogging 🙂

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