“We were never a family” – he spews

Today he who must not be named will have contact with my daughter again…. its a once a month occurrence now, and it brings up so much for me… This morning I woke up with the title of this blog hanging around my head to be made conscious.  Why this particular statement had such a profound effect on me… god only knows. I have heard a lot of “stuff” said, but this one blew my socks off.  Since the arrival of Fugly and her 4 sprogs that statement made its appearance on more than one occasion and to more than one ear. He who must not be named went as far as to utter it to his daughter – he utter many inappropriate things to her.

So I started unpacking this… how is it possible to stay in a marriage actively, enjoying everything a marriage and family brings, Easters, Christmases, sex – ‘I wanna grow old with you’, and so, on by acting? Well apparently to be that in-genuine can be done, was done – all of our years together… a lie. I also do realise that this was the ultimate betrayal – this string of words – the one thing that would sever his ties with all concerned as he knew without a doubt that family is the most important thing to me to my children, and clearly he simply solidified the fact that he is the biggest bullshitter, able to replace and substitute half of his life in the blink of an eye.  Fickle – for sure, and a deep thinking feeling human being is not one of his strong points. It all boils down to a sick self esteem. 

So many of my friends and acquiescences who have had encounters with us cannot believe the extent of hurt he would inflict… even they were bullshitted.  They stand in horror and reiterate the same old sentence to me – ‘how can he be a ‘daddy figure’ to four non blood related sprogs when he can not even honor his own 2 children…no he is mad, and you are all better off without him’.  At first I almost wanted to defend him but realised in time that the sick part inside of me, the part which stayed, saved his life twice from drug induced fits, unhappily tolerated his crap and made excuses for him for such a long time is who he is and that a leopard never changes its spots… the reoccurring themes will reoccur no matter how he clads it up, believes it is all different, because ultimately and deeply he does not know himself.  Personally looking at that statement, as bizarre as it sounds to me, and as cutting as what it is there is no denying that for him this is the truth however jaded.  That we never really cut the grade, all the struggling for nothing. That new brooms sweep clean.

Pixling spews – happy families aren’t always

P.s I read somewhere… when a man treats you well you know he was raised in the arms of a queen…. 


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. Michael
    May 15, 2012 @ 21:21:45

    He sounds to me like a woman I know — after he left, she started claiming “abuse”… my wife spoke with her more than once and was assured no abuse was occurring (and that better fit known behaviors and facts at the time). We believe she “changed the facts” in her brain to justify what was happening. (My wife has known women who have hidden abuse, but she doesn’t believe that to be the case here)

    So, could it be that “he who must not be named” did the same — that up until some corner in the path of your family he was genuinely happy and genuinely considered you all to be a family — and that only after turning that corner, he rewrote history in his mind to justify what he was doing?


  2. Pixling
    May 16, 2012 @ 09:18:12

    I do think you have nailed it – (the identified corner marked by the ‘new broom’ – which just obliterated the already very fragile). People however do ‘rewrite’ their and others histories whether good or bad, to suit their life or situations… this is just an exceptionally extreme case, as is the woman example you were referring to… it really challenges our deepest integrity to keep things real. It’s a Jekyll and Hyde thing, the proverbial flip switch – with that said and understanding thereof, this does however not take away the horror of him writing off years of love, family and dedication, and it is my challenge to overcome it – after all, its all smoke screens and mirrors right now.


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