Ambassadors

ImageI have always been a big fan of  ‘If it does no work anymore … leave, no use hanging around for the sake of the children’ and I am essentially living by my belief.  In fact there was a time where my children were quite satisfied with the split of our family… but like most things on this god forsaken mud ball – it is also and ever changing, morphing animal.  There lies a deep longing almost an unfinished business deep inside the soul of the ambassadors of the broken marriage or failed family.  The rock from which they have learnt to launch themselves into the world is no longer there… sadly I must add to this statement that the transition into running separate households would be smoother if the separated couple were mature enough to still be the rock in their childrens’ lives – carrying only their needs and intentions in their hearts, not ideal, but a much better option than my situation and most other hostile separation or divorces.  I morn this for my children.  Both of them teenagers and trying to find stable ground within themselves and within me.

Abandonment plays the biggest roll, to my mind, in building insecure human beings. It creates deep seated fears which in turn plays out in many different ways in our lives.  I was witness to many small and large poignant abandonment moments in my childrens existence, and clearly I contributed to some.  Part of growing up? Yes maby.  I have explored the many ways in which the feeling of abandonment can occur and be exceptionally damaging, and besides the out right physical abandonment this gift arrives in many different forms and colours.   I remember my son and ‘he who must not be named’ (just before the separation) having a stand up fight where my son screamed at his father and called him an ares-hole because all he did was make promises and broke them to the point of where my son could no longer bare it. He who must not be named threatened to hit him in the heat of the moment and the fight escalated. I jumped in the middle of these two men… my only intention was to save my son from doing something he would regret… A year later the inevitable happened – the ultimate broken promise, the other woman, her 4 sprogs and then the myriad of roll on events of seeing his father spend time with these strange children, taking them to events, beaches etc which he never did with his own children plastered all over facebook. It changed my son forever. He ‘tore his collar’ at his father and months later he wants nothing more to do with him. 

Ultimately my son could no longer bear the abandonment patterning.  I am soul sad that this has happened to my prince, but a part of me rejoices at the healthy boundary setting he has managed to learn, lay down and stick to… a sign of a healthy self esteem and self preserving which will serve him well in this world. His stick in the sand of saying ‘you no longer have my permission to treat me the way you have done’ is a gift I only learnt later in my life.  

Children are the ambassadors of relationships, the direct result of them… it is my responsibility as their mother to give them something to ambassador they can be proud of.

Pixling thinks… every dog will have its day 🙂

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